@sandman: None of us do! We just do the best we can.

None of my siblings knew whether to love, fear or hate our dad. I loved him as he tried his best; but other than hunting, fishing and hunting for arrowheads ; most (almost all) of my memories are from the dark side.There is the night after a few drinks - mom decided that he had OD'd and called an ambulance - when they entered the house - he met them with a loaded 45 - they left (wonder if they would have returned if he passed out).There was the night mom shut the door on him - and he knocked the frame clean out of the wall with one open handed slap.He beat my brother silly on a regular basis - seems like my brother never stopped testing (pushing) him.
From what I understand his dad use to tie him to a chair and beat him senseless as a kidHe was a heavy smoker / drinker - had a quadruple bypass at the age of 42 - followed shortly by a major stroke; and passed away 7 years later - he mellowed drastically later in life & tried to make up for his shortcomings.I shouldn't share - but - these are the things kids remember. Peace - out.

Thanks for sharing your story RR.

@redneck roy - I can relate. Once had the gun pointed my way.

@redneck roy: I'm glad you trust us enough around here to share with us. Sounds like your dad has some real hurt inside of him that he struggled with. I'm glad he tried to make amends before he passed.We never really know the burdens of our fellows.

Thank you so much & I know this was not easy to live & not easy to come out & talk about .

@Undecided:

@redneck roy:

@Undecided: I reckon there are more that can relate than are willing to admit. Not really an issue for me - probably made me a stronger person.

@redneck roy: Hey RR, Feelings are not right and wrong they are just feelings. The same goes for memories. In order to heal one must trust and invest the time it takes to break the cycle.I for one, don't believe the scenario such as if raised by an alcoholic then will be an alcoholic , if molested will be a molester, if raised by drugs then will be a druggie and so on.I believe in the POWER of God and GRACE! In my own healing process, I had to learn to forgive my aggressor in order to heal. I hated him every day I hated him. I was a real pistol in my 20s full of hate seeking revenge. I didn't know it then but I know it now the only person I was hurting was ME there WOULD BE NO revenge just forgiveness in order for me to survive.In life, we don't plan our journey but we are obligated to participate in it. It is the people that dig deep and find their inner peace that survive. I know!Again, much love sent to you and again thank you for sharing. Sharing enables others to see they are not alone and will survive. You know, I decided a long time ago I didn't just want to survive I wanted to LIVE!Be Blessed!

@redneck roy: No doubt on both counts.