Don't miss what's happening in Atascocita
People on Atascocita.com are the first to know.
Go to top of page
Close
 
Close
Back

My invitation straight to the point!

My invitation straight to the point!

« Back
This discussion has been locked.
Message Menu
by: lynnsgirl Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 7:50pm  
Dear Family,
 
Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday.
Dinner is at 2:00.
NOT 2:15
NOT 2:25 ...
 
Arrive late and you get what's left.
Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off of the house.
 
This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.
 
Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives - date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.
 
Now, the house rules are slightly different. This year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things, paper plates and red Solo cups will be used. They might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.
 
House Rules:
 
1. In the interest of actually conversing with each other, the television stays off during the meal.
 
2. The "no pop cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying close attention to refills.
 
3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy's house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook and you shouldn't bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.

4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.
 
5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy... look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.
 
6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.
 
7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.
 
8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.
 
9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things.
 
10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?
 
11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn't have to be difficult.
 
12. Domino's and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch.
That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you have kids.
 
13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.
 
Sincerely,
 
Lynnsgirl
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
What are your thoughts? Log in or sign up to comment
Replies:
Message Menu
sandman Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:06pm  
@lynnsgirl
 
2pm... I'll be there.
 
Thanks for the invite... I'll bring a turkey and peanut oil...
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
macdaddy Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:06pm  
sorry but Thanksgiving and football go hand in hand.........so if I come over I am watching football on your 70" flat screen tv.....but I will eat at the table with ya................
 
sorry thing is that I am stuck watching the Cowboys play
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
lana7018 Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:10pm  
Rule #1 is a deal breaker. Football my dear trumps turkey at Casa La Lana7018.
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
757beach Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:11pm  
Dis someone say oil......lmao
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
lynnsgirl Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:16pm  
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
brightlights Active Indicator LED Icon 15 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:52pm  
lol I saw this on FB last week. Classic!
 
I agree with it all! Emoticon
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
brightlights Active Indicator LED Icon 15 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:54pm  
............
 
sorry thing is that I am stuck watching the Cowboys play
 
@macdaddy:
 
Emoticon
 
But I don't go anywhere on thanksgiving with no football. That's like illegal or something.
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
TXNS_fan Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 8:56pm  
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
EddyFree Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 9:41pm  
@lynnsgirl:
 
Wow...Last year sounds really rough!!!...
 
But THIS YEAR, invite my good friend:
 
Loading Image...
 
And say Goodbye to all those troubles...
At least for the day....Loading Image...
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
cbp210 Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 9 years ago   Nov 20, '14 10:13pm  
If you want deer steaks I will be there.
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
MooMaw Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 9 years ago   Nov 21, '14 9:24am  
...and may I add...no flickn' the giblets and feeding them to the dog.
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
bbk Active Indicator LED Icon 11
~ 9 years ago   Nov 21, '14 10:17am  
@ MooMaw I promise even my dogs wouldn't eat the giblets . When I grew up my family made 2 dressings 1 with giblets & 1 without . I was one of the ones that hated the giblets.
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
MooMaw Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 9 years ago   Nov 21, '14 10:21am  
@ MooMaw I promise even my dogs wouldn't eat the giblets . When I grew up my family made 2 dressings 1 with giblets & 1 without . I was one of the ones that hated the giblets.
 
@bbk:
 
Momma would always put a sliced boiled egg in her giblet gravy.
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
This discussion has been locked.
« Back to Main Page
Views: 1,020
# Replies: 13

Truwin




Elite Hospital Kingwood Logo Kirsch Roofing Logo Kingwood Pressure Washing, LLC Logo Kopy Depot Logo Kosmin Media Group  Logo T & K Electric Logo The Shop Logo Kingwood Spaces Logo Aire Serv of Heating and Air Conditioning Logo Holy Comforter Lutheran Church Easter Sunday Logo Chimichurri's South American Grill Logo Club Studio Logo Your Junk Our Trunk Logo Old Humble Distilling Company Logo K's Autohaus Logo K&M ACE Hardware Logo Rowland Ballard  Logo Clean As A Whistle Logo Marshburn's Flooring America Logo Sabaoth Massage Logo Truwin - Windows, Doors & Siding  Logo Kingwood First Baptist Church MDO Logo Club Z! In Home & Online Tutoring Services of Kingwood Logo K & S Sportswear Logo McNamara Law Office, PLLC Logo Aesthetic Dentistry Associates Logo Dogtopia Atascocita Logo Lampson Retirement Solutions Logo
Sponsor an ad Sponsor an Ad »